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In the process of moving the blog to WordPress and the month being generally busy, I haven’t really had the time to sit down and say anything. I have WANTED to sit down and write, but for one reason or another just have not gotten around to it.  So, in no particular order, below is a synopsis of the past few weeks and all the things I’ve wanted to say:

1) The snow has been really annoying and I think Gabe has missed more days of preschool this month than days he has actually gone.

2) We did paint our bedroom on one of said snow days (which was also Presidents’ Day) in a nine-hour switch off of “you-watch-the-kids-while-I-edge-okay-now-you-watch-the-kids-while-I-roll-okay-now-they’re-napping-let’s-both-paint-okay-one-is-up-I’ll-do-the-trim-okay-let’s-move-the-furniture-back-where’s-the-heating-pad-and-ibuprofen-man-I-am-getting-old.” (Pictures soon whenever I get around to making the bed.)

3) I flew to New Orleans for work. On the way there I met Carson from Queer Eye and a professional Simon-Says caller. (For real, who the hell has that for a job?)

Saturday morning I woke up with some kind of allergy thing and spent the rest of the weekend sneezing and blowing my nose on their lovely sandpaper tissues. In between sneezes, I worked at the Cengage booth trying my best to sound like I knew what I was talking about.

I had a little free time here and there and I walked around a bit and had some good food. I tried an oyster for the first time, thanks to the urging of my coworker. I didn’t truly enjoy it as I spent most of the time thinking, “Please don’t let me throw up or gag on this thing that looks like a giant wad of snot and totally embarrass myself.” And also, “Holy shit, was that horseradish in the sauce that I just ate on top of this giant wad of snot?!”

I also had some other yummy seafood dishes (crab cakes; lobster dip; jambalaya; and a crawfish tail, spinach, and monterey jack omelette).

The flight home though was quite a treat. My airport shuttle left the hotel at 3 p.m. and I got home a little after 3 a.m. The flight from New Orleans to Chicago ran a little late but that wasn’t the best part. The best part was being sandwiched between two guys (one who had his laptop and notes out and clearly didn’t want to even breathe my same air much less say hello, and another who was quite talkative–but more on him next) and another person in front of me who put his seat back down immediately. I was so crammed in I couldn’t even reach down to get in my bag. I had no choice but to talk to the guy to my right.

The guy to my right spent the next two turbulent hours regaling me with tales of his life as a Marine recon man. I heard all the cool ways to drop in on the enemy. All the various jobs he’s had to do, from driving a hovercraft onto a helicopter while in the ocean, to telling a dead soldier’s family of their loss. I listened as he calculated how much the wind would hurt if he skydived off this plane, right here, right now.  He told me how the world is divided into two kinds of people–wolves and sheep. And how I should be a wolf and get a gun.

And when he told me I was the safest person on the airplane because I was next to him, I was grateful. Mostly because the plane was turbulent as hell and I was actually whining out loud, “I just want to make it home to see my kids.” I don’t know what he could have done to stop turbulence, but hey, I felt a little braver and I even resisted the urge to cry/throw up because, well, because I think he was smirking a little at my cries for my children as the pilot yelled several times for the flight attendants to, “Get in your jumpseats now!!”

When we finally landed (thank God) I had to run out ahead to catch my flight to Cincinnati, which was supposed to depart in 15 minutes. As I ran to the shuttle, I thought, you know, maybe Rex was right, (yes, his name was Rex) maybe I SHOULD get a gun. Maybe I should be a wolf and not a sheep.  Then I thought, maybe I need some food and a drink.

Sooo…crazy gun talk aside, as you might have guessed the rest of the night went something like this:  I ran to my next flight only to find it has been delayed by an hour. I run to get something to eat (because United charges for snacks and I hadn’t had anything to eat since the omelette at lunch) but everything was closing. I finally found a sandwich at a random vendor and promptly scarfed it down. Rex showed up in the gate next to mind, and we made mindless small talk again until my gate was changed and I left to go read my Star mag elsewhere.

THEN I sat on some hard bench while I watched the monitor announce in excruciating five- and ten-minute increments that the flight was pushed back. And back. And back. And every time I thought, THIS is going to be it. We will be boarding soon. And then, okay so if we get on the plane now, and we land an hour later, and I get my car and I drive home, I will get in bed and get X amount of sleep.

And so that’s how the next two hours went. I couldn’t sleep or leave the area because we might have boarded any minute. By the time the flight boarded at 1 a.m. (Chicago time) I didn’t even care anymore. I just wanted to get home.

They sent us down some stairs and outside into a lovely rain/sleet/snowy mix. I shit you not, they had us walk at least 1/4 mile to a plane that was just sitting in the middle of everything. Not near a gate or anything. We were all carrying our suitcases to keep them out of the snow. I internally both pitied and ridiculed the girl walking in front of me wearing flip-flops.

We get on the plane and I joked to the flight attendant, “Are we getting free peanuts after all this?” And she said, very seriously, “No ma’am we don’t have food for this short of a flight.” Argh! My first thought was to rip off her face and throw it into the slush,  but I was too tired and didn’t really want to spend the night in O’Hare detainment.

I sat down in the front row (ah, leg room!) and the engineer sitting next to me began to give me all the reasons why we really would be safer sitting in the back of the plane, should we crash. No way, buddy. I’m not falling for this again. I rudely put in my headphones and finally fell asleep (mouth open, head falling forward, I’m sure).

We landed in a completely deserted airport, and I immediately called the Fast Park shuttle and was whisked out to my car,  in the fastest here-to-there move all day.

On the way home I deliriously thought of all the fabulous, great, amazing things I would get home and write about. In my state of sleeplessness, hunger, and anger, I was going to be the next Hemingway.

However, once I got in the door and showered the travel stink off, nothing but the bed was calling to me. At 3:50 I shut my eyes and tried to shut off my brain, buzzing with the day’s adventures.

At 7:10, Gabe walked in asking for his present. And I sleep-walked through the day until, blissfully, I got to take my own nap in the afternoon.

4) (Wow, #3 was really long, wasn’t it?) I painted the trim in the guest bathroom today and I decided that painting is a pain in the ass.

5) I really need to figure out the design of my blog. I’m still tweaking but if anyone has any good ideas let me know.

6) Good news–Jay’s dad is coming this weekend for his birthday and I am going to try to tackle a lemon layer cake that I’ve been dying to make.

Until then…