I haven’t posted in a week now because I really haven’t had anything to say. I haven’t really cooked anything or thrown any parties. The kids haven’t really done anything super funny. Everyone’s been pretty lame. I was going to write yesterday but wasn’t really feeling it. So today I thought, today I have to come up with something.

This morning I took the kids down to the Madison Diner and we bowled and had some lunch with my brother. We went home and Julia took a nap (yes, she still naps, and I will let her till she’s 15 if she wants) and I plugged Gabe into some Clone Wars so I could get on the treadmill before our 2:30 play date.

I do some of my best thinking while running and thought surely I could come up with something to write about. I usually decide how far I’m going to run before I get started, otherwise I’ll quit too early. So today I said to myself, “Listen beotch, you are going to get on that treadmill and you are not going to get off until you’ve run four miles because you haven’t done that since July.”  And because I don’t like being told what to do, I said, “Oh yeah? I’m going to take your four miles and run it faster than I usually do! So take that, self.”

I usually need a lot of distractions when running so I typically have a magazine in front of me and the TV on. But I’d been wanting to run to the new Florence + The Machine so instead I had a magazine and music on.

This was my view for about 45 minutes:

Now you know where all the magic happens.

So I got on and I thought to the music. I thought about how dirty that window is. I thought about how maybe my new sports bra wasn’t so great for running. I thought about how I needed new running shoes. I thought about how the laces seemed too long but I am against double knotting for some reason. I thought about how flabby my arms looked in the mirror at Pilates yesterday. Sleeveless shirt season is coming up–ugh.

I wondered where that doll’s clothes were and why she was only wearing a headband. And where did that headband come from? I redecorated the room in my mind for a little while. I looked at the red wax stain on the carpet that was there when we moved in. I thought about all the wax/burn marks we found throughout the house after we’d moved and the pyros who used to live here.

I thought about how no matter how many times I’d washed the cushions on that glider the formula stains just would never come out. I thought about putting the glider on Craigslist but then I thought probably no one would even buy that thing.

I looked at the distance on the display periodically and kept adding speed to make four miles go faster. After a mile, I thought, “Okay three to go, no problem.” And I also thought, “Three to go still? Dammit this is taking forever!”

And then somewhere in mile two I caught my groove and upped the speed and thought okay this is no biggie. I could do this every morning. Sure! I could get up at the buttcrack of dawn and run and I’d lose that last few pounds no problem. Then I started thinking about warmer weather and running outside again (I don’t care how much cold-weather gear they sell I’m not running outside below 60 degrees) and where in the neighborhood I could go. Or maybe we could take the kids down to the bike path and somehow have them ride their bikes while we ran but then I imagined the kids whining and it being a big waste of time.

Then I thought about asking Erin and Amy if maybe they wanted to start running together on Sunday mornings. I can’t do Saturday mornings because I teach. Then I started to map out where we would run and how we could take turns in our different neighborhoods. Then I remembered that I also wanted to join a cycling group on Sundays. I couldn’t do both.

Finally! Two miles down…damn, that’s it? Upped the speed again.

Oh and I also wanted to go to that weight class once a week, and Pilates. When was I going to do all of this? What would I give up? Work? Sleep? The blog? My family? I would have to choose.

Then my shoelace came untied. I stopped to tie it. Then I had to stop again because the left one was now too tight and I have to make them feel evenly snug. No, no double knots.

Ho hum…a mile and a half to go. Okay I’ll up the speed a leeeetle more. But that’s it.

I thought about that damn dirty window. I thought about how I turn my right ankle in too much when I run. I felt my hands go kind of numb and tingly and dropped them down my sides a bit. I thought about quitting but no, I said I’d do four miles. So four miles it is. Plus, the kids were leaving me alone, I had to strike while the iron was hot and all.

Then I think my mind kind of went blank for a while. I stared at the same picture of the 20 different types of mascara wands. I never turned the page. I couldn’t read it anyway. Maybe there was some circus music going on in there. Not sure what happened.

Finally! One mile to go. I didn’t think I could up the speed any more so I just had to deal. I wondered if my dad was still swimming in the mornings. I thought briefly about the Olympics this summer. I secretly hoped that the kids were never THAT good at anything so I didn’t have to move across the country or drive them all over or work 17 jobs so they could pursue their dreams.

I thought about all my friends who run marathons. I wondered what was wrong with them. Let’s face it. This running business is awful. Why would you want to run THAT many miles? God, I STILL had a half a mile to go. I wondered if it would ever end. I had sweat running down my nose. I had forgotten about my unsupportive bra and my too-tight shoes and my dirty window.

Was there music playing? I didn’t hear it. My lame exercise-induced asthma was kicking in (I mean, what a dumb form of asthma). I had the cold sweats. I never know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I had a quarter mile to go when I remembered there was a fan on the treadmill. I turned it on. It basically blew cold air directly into my mouth which wasn’t helping anything. I turned it off.

Sweet Jesus, the display finally read 4.12 (.12 was my warmup and I wanted the four miles to be legit). I had mixed feelings. It was a good thing to push myself but also bad because every time I set a new bar, then I just have to do it again and again. Dammit self.

But I never thought of anything good to blog about.