Lately (and by “lately” I mean the past ten years or so) I have been thinking about what I want to do with my life. I think a lot about it. But I always think about it, I really don’t DO anything about it. I want to be and try so many different things. I always say I’m a Jack of all trades, master of none. This is because I’m constantly flitting from thing to thing, project to project. I will read three books in a row, then I take months to read the fourth. I fly through a bunch of house projects, then run out of steam. I teach a bunch of Spin classes and get burned out. I start a blog with the goal of writing two entries a week, then I don’t write anything for months.

And it’s not because I’m lazy. I’m far from lazy. I am always doing SOMETHING. It’s just that I am easily bored. Ask my parents what the number one thing I said to them growing up was: “I’m bored.”

I tell people I have self-diagnosed, adult-onset ADD. (Is that even a thing? No idea.) And maybe narcolepsy, but that’s for another blog post. I can’t sit still long enough to do one thing. I really want to write a book, but I can’t get past two or maybe three pages without getting bored with what I wrote or tinkering with the words until I grow annoyed with it. That’s because I can’t let well enough alone. I tinker, tinker, tinker to death. I’ve had Jay move pictures on the wall and furniture innumerable times. I’m always thinking of the next thing, the next way we could decorate this room, the next house we have, the next time we plant a garden, the next vacation we take, the next pair of shoes to get my son.

And it’s not that I’m not happy with the present. I am. I just can’t stay IN the present. I’m always onward and upward, moving things along. This is a good thing I guess. But I’m afraid one day I’m going to be 80 (but look 60, of course) and wish I would have done something with my life. Do all these scraps of a little of this, a little of that really add up to anything?

(I got bored with this entry and let it sit for several hours. Did you notice?)

As a Jack of all trades, here is what I occupy myself with, in no particular order:

–         Wife and mom

–         Developmental editor (project management)

–         Making people laugh

–         Making jewelry

–         Teaching Spin and Pilates

–         Working out

–         Reading

–         Cooking

–         Decorating our house

–         Shopping

–         Scheduling and event planning

–         Making to-do lists

–         Photography

–         Music (listening to and collecting)

How can I make a living out of all of this? Do I stick to my day job and dabble in the other “hobbies” to make myself happy or can I turn a hobby into a job? I’d consider going back to school if it didn’t take up so much time and money.

I was just discussing with a friend this morning how maybe our generation just thinks we can get everything we want. Maybe we’re not meant to. Maybe everyone just doesn’t get everything they want. Maybe we’re supposed to be happy with what we have. But does that mean we should stop dreaming? Stop hoping to live happy, productive lives?

I’m not sure.

Here is a list of some of the things I wanted to be when I grew up:

–         a nurse (because my sister is one)

–         an artist (because my brother is one)

–         an engineer (then I discovered I was not good at math)

–         an archeologist (but then there was all that science)

–         a photographer for National Geographic (but didn’t have a camera)

–         a writer (okay I’m trying to revive that)

–         a journalist (which I was for a couple of years)

–         a music producer (but who wants to do that in Cincinnati?)

–         a music reviewer for Rolling Stone (but I didn’t move to NY)

–         an interior designer (more school)

–         a novelist (see ADD diagnosis)

Now, looking at this list, I see the overriding theme is writing. Which is what I’m doing. However, how can I make a living out of this in this day and age and this economy? Maybe the answer is, I can’t.

Till then I’ll keep tinkering.

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